Today, I as I walked into the grocery store, some solicitor was outside trying to get signatures or money. I don’t even know what his cause was, because the first thing he said to me as I got closer was, “You dropped your smile.”
There are very few things in the world…
Congratulations, all you did, was ruin the day of a guy, who was just doing his job and/or trying to cheer you up.
Way to go girl!
Okay, putting aside the part where at no point do total strangers have the right to tell people to change their facial expressions on demand - as apparently that concept was too complicated too grasp - let me break this down for you.
If the guy was doing his job he would’ve solicited for whatever it was he was out there for. He would’ve tried to pitch for his charity or petition or whatever it was. As it was, he did such a poor job of that that Ashley didn’t even know what the guy was advocating for. So clearly doing his job wasn’t the first item on his agenda.
As for cheering her up, that is not accomplished by telling people to smile.
Now people never have to smile. They can not smile for any number of reasons and all of them are valid. However, let’s assume for the sake of argument that the reason why Ashley wasn’t smiling that day was because she was, in fact, in need of cheering up. How does telling her she dropped her smile accomplish that?
If her grandmother had died would “you dropped your smile” help ease her loss? If she’d just been fired would “you dropped your smile” let her know where her next rent payment was coming from? If she had depression would “you dropped your smile” instantly fix the chemical imbalance in her brain? If Ashley was unhappy because she was in need of the very thing this guy was trying to draw attention to, does “you dropped your smile” let her know that there is help available to her thanks to his organization?
Telling someone to smile is literally addressing the most superficial aspect of happiness with no care for whether or not the expression is genuine. If this guy really wanted to cheer Ashley up he could’ve asked what was wrong. He could’ve said he was sorry she was having a bad day. He could’ve somehow actually addressed the emotions and the cause of them instead of the expression on her face.
This guy did none of those things. He addressed her facial expression, and then the fact that she ignored him the first time. Neither of those actions speak in any way to his job or an effort to cheer her up.
But hey - if Ashley really DID ruin his day by telling him what he did wrong, apparently all she had to do to fix it was tell the guy he dropped his smile.
Today, as I walked into the grocery store, some solicitor was outside trying to get signatures or money. I don’t even know what his cause was, because the first thing he said to me as I got closer was, “You dropped your smile.”
There are very few things in the world that make my blood boil like being told by a strange man to smile. But I was very restrained and ignored him. I went about buying my groceries and forgot about it. Then, as I was leaving the store, he saw me and said, “You going to talk to me this time?”
I stopped. I turned. I said this, with a smile:
"I’m going to give you a tip. All women, everywhere, all of them, hate being told to smile. It implies that we owe you something, or it’s our job to be pleasant or ornamental. We don’t owe you anything, and it’s not our f*cking job to be pleasant or ornamental. If you want to help your cause, stop telling women to smile, because it makes them want to punch you in the face. Which I won’t do."
Sometimes when my upstairs neighbors are throwing tantrums I go through tags like “i hate my neighbors” and I feel better. Either it makes me laugh or reminds me that my neighbors at least are sane, law abiding people. They just have really rude, inconsiderate kids that apparently never learned the difference between “inside voice” and “outside voice.”
I wish “Apparition” was spelled “Apparation” instead. That way it is a distinct word, since apparition is already an English word. It was spelled “apparation” in OotP in chapter four: ” ‘You two passed your apparation tests, then?’ asked Harry grumpily.” I think it’s spelled “apparition” every other time, however.
On a somewhat related note, I always thought the trio should have had a “safe destination” to which they would apparate if they should ever be separated. Though it may not have helped in stressful situations like when the snatchers were after them. Ron got splinched when they left the ministry, so it probably isn’t safe to try to apparate under those types of circumstances.
And yes, I am watching the HP marathon again tonight.
After reading PS and OOTP, and noting how terrified Ron and Hermione look whenever Harry has an outburst, I'm 100% sure that Harry is probably one of those really calm, easy-going, laid-back people, and that whenever he gets angry, people get really surprised because they never knew that he could feel that way. It's not the fact that he yells-Ron gets yelled at by Molly--it's mostly the shock and fright that Harry would behave like that. Thoughts? People IRL do get scared like this (e.g. me). .
Harry grew up in a repressed, stifling environment. His magic was stifled since birth, he was never allowed to ask questions, and was constantly criticized for having an imagination or thinking outside the norm. He was not allowed to leave his closet if he was in trouble, and often skipped meals if his aunt and uncle were angry enough. Dudley scared away any future prospects of friends in school, and teachers didn’t reach out to him. He was hidden away from guests when they came over; most people didn’t know that another boy actually existed in the house. Aunt Petunia even stopped taking him to the supermarket after a wizard recognized him and confronted him there. His life revolved around going to school and the occasional trip to Mrs. Figg’s house, which he enjoyed despite the cat-lady vibes and strong cabbage smell, because he finally got to watch whatever he wanted on television.
Therefore, Harry has had little interaction with other people, let alone other people who like him, and hasn’t developed much in that department. He censored himself in order not to incite the wrath of his aunt and uncle, but when left alone with Dudley, he delighted in finally being able to voice his opinions and outsmart the other boy. He got angry when he was slighted or treated unfairly under the Dursleys’ treatment; and because the Dursleys never gave him justice, only second-class treatment, he had a strong sense of right and wrong and hates when others were being mistreated. Because he was suppressed from saying what he truly thought and was unable to speak for himself, he learnt to bottle up his anger, and when tipped over the edge he was known to unleash it, often against his will and in the form of magic.
He never learnt how to properly deal with his anger, and so when he lashes out at Ron and Hermione, he is using them as a substitute for parents because he doesnt have any, he never had any parents to lash out to and unleash his frustrations on (JKR goes on about this in an interview somewhere, I cant find it at the moment). He is an angry person as a product of what he’s gone through in life, and while he is generally an easy-going guy who tries to be normal, he has a temper that is unleashed when he’s absolutely had it, and its not pretty to witness. JKR says, “He really is quite angry a lot of the time and I think justifiably so, look at what he has gone through.” She even lists anger (and the occasional arrogance) as one of his character flaws.
Ron and Hermione are startled by Harry’s bursts of anger because he’s so good at bottling it up and letting it loose on them when they’re not expecting it. Ron and Hermione grew up in loving households unlike Harry, and JKR says, "People who have —-children who have loving parents or guardians or family basically, they have a safety net. Harry doesn’t have that so he’s more alone than most children are", and that affected him developmentally in more ways than one.
This is why Ginny is perfect for him, because not only is she a cheerful, non-weepy person (a quality Ron notices Harry needs in OOTP, ”You’re well out of it, mate. I mean, she’s quite good-looking and all that, but you want someone a bit more cheerful” [about Cho], which is well-noted because Harry needs more cheer and laughter in his life to counter all the negativity) she singularly knows how to handle Harry when he is in his moods.
"They do, do they?" said Harry, glaring at Ron and Ginny. Ron looked down at his feet but Ginny seemed quite unabashed.
"Well, you have!" she said. "And you won’t look at any of us!" OOTP, ch 23
"I didn’t want anyone to talk to me," said Harry, who was feeling more and more nettled. "Well, that was a bit stupid of you," said Ginny angrily, "seeing as you don’t know anyone but me who’s been possessed by You-Know-Who, and I can tell you how it feels." Harry remained quite still as the impact of these words hit him. Then he wheeled around. "I forgot," he said. "Lucky you," said Ginny coolly. OOTP, ch 23
"Hi," said Ginny uncertainly. "We recognised Harry’s voice. What are you yelling about?"
"Never you mind," said Harry roughly.
Ginny raised her eyebrows.
"There’s no need to take that tone with me," she said coolly, "I was only wondering whether I could help." OOTP, ch 32
Unlike his relationship with Hermione, who has a hard time holding her own against his explosive temper:
"SO WHAT?"Harry shouted. "Don’t you understand?… [snip long, angry speech] …I’m going through that trapdoor tonight and nothing you two say is going to stop me! Voldemort killed my parents, remember?”
He glared at them.
"You’re right, Harry," said Hermione in a small voice. SS pg 196/270
When Harry unleashes his pent-up anger on Hermione, she is generally cowed, crying (OOTP pg 64/66), looking frightened (OOTP pg 71/74, 646/733), looking stricken (OOTP pg 293/328), stepping back in alarm (OOTP pg 647/734), etc.
Hermione must have had a crazy good time when she went back to Hogwarts to do her final year, all that library time without having to worry about Harry’s imminent death or whether him and Ron were going to fail every single subject they were taking, like it must have been pretty fucking blissful
“'When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die.' Sansa’s not dead, so she must be winning. God knows I’ll raise a glass to that, and wait patiently for the courteous and well-dressed hellfire she will eventually rain down upon all those who have wronged her.”—E.M. Freeburg, Femslash Friday: A Lady and Her Knight (via queenofthenorths)